pathetic...

stop reminding how pathetic life can be...
tried not to use others as a benchmark... tried to live the way i like...
tried getting rid of the fake smile on me... tried to show i'm not as happy as i am... not anymore...

who says my life is wonderful... going Japan is wonderful.. yah it is... but everyone can do it... i paid it myself by not spending on other stuff back here..
who says friends are always there for you... or for me... i cant even get sumone or i dun even know who to call when i need to call... (everyone has their own commitments and their other friends, i cant be so selfish to keep them by myside)
i dont like to owe ppl favor.. unless u are my family... cos family are the ones tat will always be here...

maybe i'm not a ppl person anymore.. or i wasnt at the very first place... which i tot i always was... or maybe i'm jus PR.. i jus know how to fake... and fake it so well that everyone says i'm bubbly and friendly...

my smile is always in ON mode when i step out off house... and is OFF mode when i step into my room... for 20 over years.. i guess it was a routine... cos i smile/laugh/giggle at the slightest things on earth...

reason being: the best thing i can do and do it well is to smile... which in the past i used to say... stay happy... but in present context is "pretend to be happy'
i dont like to cry... but whenever i start...i cant stop cos it an accumulation... i guess...

feel like disappearing for a while... can i.................

也许我要求的太多了。。。也许一切太都太不真实了。。。
人们是越老越懂事。。。我好像变相反了。。。